Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Obama's Church Problems Finally Solved

Pastor Dan of the Salem church in Wisconsin has the answer to Barack Obama's Church Problems.

"I think you should join Salem UCC in the Town of Wayne, Wisconsin," he says in a letter penned to Obama. "We're a small, aging congregation deep in the heart of...Wisconsin...

"Its rural location is actually its finest selling point. We could shut down the county highways, pen up those bastards from Fox News in Kohlsville and trap CNN in Kewaskum. Better yet, since there's only one hotel within fifteen miles, they probably won't even bother to follow you out here...."

"After a long, bruising primary season in which your "Man of the People" credentials have been severely challenged, I think you need to steal a page out of W.'s playbook. We'll buy you an old pig farm, you can throw up a protective screen of barbed wires and trees, then invite in select members of the press corps to watch you chop brush, mountain bike, or threaten to run them over with a borrowed pickup truck - no one will hold it against you....

"The more I think about it, the more perfect it seems for you. The real estate might be a bit pricier than Crawford, but it's a helluvalot cooler in the summer. Besides there's cows here. Real cows, not those fake, weird-looking longhorns they have in Texas....

"Just so long as you promise to show up to work at our annual Chicken Barbecue (Wednesday, June 18th!)...

"At the very least, you'd find a community of very loving, very accepting, very ordinary people to take you in. What've you got to lose?

Pastor Dan

Full text of the letter

H/T - Daily Kos

No comments: